I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize