Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
