who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He did a backflip because drugs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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