Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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