tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
