Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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