i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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