i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
