He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
