hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to cum in my sink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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