Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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