You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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