Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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