Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
