i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
