you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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