Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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