I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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