Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
