3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
