I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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