You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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