i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
