you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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