Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
