did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
