Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
