i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
