When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
