No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
