What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
