take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
