walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
