I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
