turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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