I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
