My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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