Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
