Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
