I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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