her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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