Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So much rum. So many feels.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
