omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
