Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
