Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
