wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
