Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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