just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
