Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize