fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
