i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
