ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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