can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
