if i can run in heels then i can drive
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
