This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
