Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize