I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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