hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We left the knife in your bed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
