I just made out with a guy for $7.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
