I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
