Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
