i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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