I'm pants shitting drunk right now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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