Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize