Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
