Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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