and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
