Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
