u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hippo gnu deer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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